This is a sombre week in the world of UK politics.  The murder of Jo Cox, a dynamic, vivacious woman of the world and Member of Parliament, has garnered a collective enquiry into the levels of belligerence and hateful speech that has characterised so much of the EU referendum debate. Did this contribute to her death?  No one knows.  But it gave pause to the rhetoric as people from all faiths, gender, colour, creed and political persuasion come together to celebrate her life and remind each other that the values of respect, tolerance and caring are essential to a thriving democracy.

It has me thinking about time and dealing with loss. Jo Cox leaves behind a husband and two young children.  A dear girlfriend who lost her husband to prostate cancer, leaving her with two twin boys under five, once shared that the pain never leaves with time.  It never gets any less.  All that happens is you learn to deal with it better.  Often time is not the healer that we hope for.  It just is.

In my  “Returning” post I shared some thoughts about cyclical time  versus linear time and our relationship to time.  Time and loss, and equally loss of time, are viewed from different perspectives dependent upon where you are born and raised. So much of our concepts of time are equally formed from habit and practice learned from our environment and relationships. Our attitude to time can also become a learned behaviour.

Many of my friends and colleagues know about “Laura time”, where I have placed relationships, activities and conversation ahead of punctuality.  So when I am with you, I am truly with you, in the moment with my full attention.  This is not helpful if you are the next person I plan to see.  If I can, I will tell you that I learned this habit in Africa; where waiting in State House to see President Museveni could take anything from 1-6 hours and required a decent book and lots of patience.  Craig laughs at me when I share this – as a senior diplomat, he’s never waited this long to see a Head of State.

Cultural differences towards time are often cited for breakdown in communications.  I recently had a conversation with a Head of HR in the Netherlands.  There were no pleasantries, no preamble, the conversation started straight at the specific point and went from there.   To the uninitiated this could have appeared rude, but I know that time is of importance in this culture and it’s not to be wasted on small talk.  Conversely when I worked in Egypt, the opposite was true and I learned to wait for my cue to talk about work.  Even for me, this seemed to take some considerable time.

I once went to Khartoum to train Shell Sudan staff in time management – a course loosely based on Stephen Coveys Seven Habits.  The course organiser had forgotten it was scheduled for the first days of Ramadan.  We were in +35 degree heat, attendees  had caffeine withdrawal symptoms, no one could sip water never mind eat, many asked for permission to lie on the floor and I was supposed to educate on a Western concept.  To better understand my attendee’s experiences and culture, beliefs and rituals, I decided to fast with them and its one of my everlasting memories, seeing the vibrant aliveness of these kind and generous people as we all celebrated and enjoyed Iftar together in the evening coolness. During those few days time took on a new meaning – it became the essence of substance, of endurance, of belief.  There was no clock involved, just the rising and setting of the sun. During this week, there were many life lessons; learning to adapt myself, my thinking and the course content while still achieving a good outcome.  And this was achieved by us working together,  tailoring and adapting time management concepts for the Sudanese.  The outcome became, practical and realistic rather than a great theory in a Western management handbook.

Students of culture use the terms monochronic and polychronic to describe differing cultural relationships to time. Richard Lewis is the academic who has studied this at length.  Business Insider did a great summary article on his findings.  To summarise further,  monochronic cultures consider time to be linear.  People are expected to do one thing at a time, and lateness or interruptions are not tolerated. Think about your interactions with Americans, Canadians or Northern Europeans – these nationalities tend to err towards being monochronic cultures. “Time is money”, days, hours and even minutes are scheduled and accounted for. Plans are detailed and costed. Conversely,  polychronic or cyclical cultures  like to do multiple things at the same time.  They tend to view people and relationships as more important than tasks and time.  If you are from  this kind of culture, you will aim to build trust and  lifelong relationships. Being on time will depend on the  relationship, or status, rather than any stated task and objectives. My African friends and colleagues, Latin Americans, Southern Europeans all tend to be from polychronic cultures.

I have a lovely example of this.  I was on a judging  panel for the Ugandan employer of the year award.  This was a live televised event and in typical Ugandan style,  the presenters preamble was colourfully effusive and overly long. As the camera turned to us for the big announcement, one of my fellow judges heard his mobile phone ring.  To my amazement he did a half duck behind the table answered the call and carried on his conversation, which lasted most of the presentation!  To be fair, he was senior in Celtel, one of the Ugandan mobile phone operators, so perhaps he was indirectly promoting the brand.  But it was a perfect example of a polychronic trait in action.

But it is possible to create a change in behaviour.  In change we often look at the systemic levers to see how this can best be done.  I once  facilitated  an ICL employee group in Harare, Zimbabwe.   I set up the first morning session by explaining that anyone who was late back to session had to entertain the group for the number of minutes they were late. After the first break, one male attendee found himself at the front of the room busting some moves to Dolly Partons D I V O R C E,  helpfully provided by the hotel tannoy system. We were all convulsed with hysterical laughter.  But no one was late for the rest of the week. Thus proving habits can be broken if the incentive is powerful enough!

So what can we learn from all of this?  Yes we are all different.  Our concepts of time are based as much on our cultural identity as our attitudes about what’s important  to us.  But just as we recognise these differences, we must also recognise our similarities.  We are all human beings, all trying to do our best to make our way, pay our bills, look after our loved ones, stay safe and healthy.

If only we would make the time to understand each other better before we act…