It’s the first day of 2018, a host of resolutions,  a sense of renewal and the determination to change are the drivers for this post.

2018 is a mere date change.  Yet its promise of future, of potential possibilities is enticing.

If there was a score to be made I would achieve 10 out of 10  for living these past few months in my head; ideas, concepts, shared learnings, potential, all swirling around.  And with the exception of November where I designed, developed and delivered an intercultural values, norms and subconscious bias workshop to a group of Eastern Caribbean and British co-workers,  there has been little co-learning or sharing of  skills and knowledge (a strong personal value).  This blog has been silent, the pages left blank as the priority has been working my way through inertia, culture shock,  daily life and busyness.

It’s so easy to get lost, so easy to get stuck.  Despite good intentions, I’ve spent more hours thinking of what to write than getting on and getting it down.  I’ve read LinkedIn posts and thought of responses which may counter-argue or enhance the points being made and yet remained silent.  I’ve stayed indoors instead of going out.  I’ve prioritised small actions and deeds instead of making good on ideas which may bring results. I self-justify; ” I’m travelling (UK twice, then USA) or moving home and life (an international then 3 months later, domestic relocation) or focusing on helping  Craig and Roscoe settle into their new positions in a new country and environment.  I’m at the emergency hospital 4 times so have to care for the injured Roscoe, I’m at the vet three times so have to care for the poorly Monty” .  Yes, I get 11 out of 10 for excuses. Where is my medal?

Truth is these are my choices.  Directly or indirectly this is how I’ve chosen to spend my time.  There is no blame, no circumstances that help me expunge  how I’ve lived these past few months.  I’ve been stuck in my bubble, wallowing in its silence and peace.  A less stressful, slower life beat.  An opportunity to pause, to breathe, to observe.  I focus on family, I make good on my promises.  I am grateful and fortunate yet at the same time still unfulfilled.

Truth is this Presbyterian Scottish work-ethic  is hard to shake.  It’s a struggle  to accept that I’m not out in the world, helping businesses, corporations and their people succeed.  I value my contribution to this part of my life almost as much as I value my contribution to myself and my family.

Previously I’ve found it hard to stitch these two parts of my soul together.  And when I’ve  tried, the result was a distant relationship with husband and child, then corporate burnout followed closely by cancer.  I’ve spent the last two years looking inward and living my lessons learned,  recreating strong connections to Craig and Roscoe,  focusing on becoming healthier and better, letting go of the old corporate BS while retaining all I’ve absorbed and learned along the way.   Slowly, I’m knitting together an alternative with the unshakable belief that when we take control of our choices it’s possible to change for good.

So the symbolism in a change of date, the opportunity in a move from 7 to 8, creates the impetus of changing how I manage to connect these two parts of me in a way which is sustainable and healthy.  And the purpose of writing this publicly means my feet are to the fire and I become accountable for making it happen.

In 2018 I’ll  be sharing my successes, failures and learnings  in this blog as I attempt to successfully combine working in a totally new environment with my commitment to my family.

If you want to know how I’m doing, follow the blog.  I promise it won’t be dull…