Tag Archives: Structure and process; Routine; Behaviour Change

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Being bendy

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There are some of us who find yoga to be a transformative, relaxing  way of being and others who struggle through, gamely trying to be quiet as we topple over, wobble or lie flat and inactive hoping the instructor doesn’t notice.  I belong to the latter while hoping to reach the former.  I keep striving, and falling.   One day I’ll make the pose, it was not today.

 

While contemplating trying to get my nose closer to my toe, my mind wanders off to my latest insight.  In my line of work, change is planned with methodical precision.  Depending on the change methodology being used, there are tools and techniques for every stage of the process.  This structure always reassures the client;  it makes change seem linear, manageable, controlled.  It can be charted and measured, tweaked and adapted, recorded and reported.  It will all work out the way it says on the plan.

However, reality is, change is messy.  Unless you’re discussing system or technical change requiring no human intervention, this happens once in a blue moon;  most of the time, change involving living breathing humans is rarely controlled and structured no matter what the charts and spreadsheets tell you.  So change managers learn to be flexible and adaptable; managing client expectations with swan like serenity as their brain and feet run nineteen to the dozen with possibilities, interventions and persuasions to get the change programme back on track.

Living in Barbados is akin to  managing  constant change.  Ironic when culturally the local people seem so change adverse.  As expats here we make plans, only to change them given the time it takes to travel, or the heat intensity of the sun, or the need to be flexible to accommodate others, or the changing weather, or that someone has had another bright idea.  Dinner party plans can be thrown as not all the ingredients needed are available that day/week, or football or exercise classes  cancelled because the players or instructor have other things to do.  The internet goes down so work needs to be rearranged, the water doesn’t run as somehow where we live has problems with water supply.   The queue for the bank is so long, plans to run other errands are put off to the following day.  In Barbados, being flexible is a prerequisite to a peaceful  existence  with the ability to not stress and worry when plans change at the last-minute.

This type of living is not for everyone and some visitors struggle with the lack of structure or the inability to stick with and execute a plan hatched the night before but changed by morning circumstances.

I get it.  I used to love putting structure around every aspect of my life.  My mental wardrobe was full of neatly stacked boxes, compartmentalised, organised, indexed and never to be messed up.  Correspondingly I spent my energy trying to manage and stretch time to suit.   Today, as the Bajan way of being dripplingly seeps  into my daily activities,  my attitude is also changing; I am way more open to compromise, to taking the time to properly listen without expressing my inner view.  Today I have time for discussion, for genuine enquiry and curiousity to emerge.  This approach has the benefits I used to talk about but rarely do; building deeper trust and mutual respect, learning differently  about others and their perspectives.  Flexing and being adaptive to circumstances of today, putting the building blocks of trust in the bank for next week or month or year.

This insight deepens my change practice.  For delivery of any successful people-change programme requires the upfront analysis and planning time to be split 70/30. 70% of time is on relationship building, observing , enquiring, deeply listening, activities which are way beyond the talking and the words on the wall.  30% of our energy is on structure change; the charts and maps and “as is” / “to-be” process analysis. Splitting our time investment this way means that change delivery time is quicker and output more useful and productive.  And that the process of adapting through change is not feared or hidden from view but is instead welcomed as a demonstration of engagement and ownership.

As our staycation plans change once more, I’m realising that my feelings of disappointment and irritation and anger and frustration are just minuscule moments in time.  What matters is the bedrock of friendship and relationship remains intact.  Connection, care and love are worth way more than getting worked up about how and what we do today.

 

 

 

 

 

Life change

Change from the ruf’

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We are  in a hotel room somewhere in Yorkshire.  In two hours time, we’re turning our lives upside down as we take charge of the new addition to our family, an 8 week old Golden Retriever puppy who we have decided to name Montgomery a.k.a Monty.

Monty brings order to our chaos.  There is some system and routine to our daily lives but not enough so that we feel constrained or tied.  We love our flexibility, the opportunity to decide on the spur of the moment, the toss of a coin, the text or call making a suggestion to meet.  We are not the family that books our holiday a year in advance, rather the one that pays exorbitant money to go somewhere decided at the last moment.

This kind of life is not for all.  It’s a rollercoaster of thrills and excitement, of  seize the day adventure and life stomping. Of living in the moment, being in the present.   But it also brings stress and disappointment and expense.  It takes being sick for a while to create the awareness that living this way makes me ill and unsettled and to realise it’s time to make a change.

So after a mound of reading and research into how to train and manage what’s  going to be a 65lbs animal which doesn’t talk, sheds hair daily with great abandon, which slobbers and slurps, demands food every hour,  brings in mud and dirt from every outside excursion and swims at every opportunity, I’m ready.  On the basis that I’ve already got  a tweenager demonstrating all of these characteristics, adding a dog to the mix hardly seems daunting.

 

The change Monthy brings is to our behaviour.  We can’t just jump on the train or get in the car on a whim.  A 4 hour feeding regime combined with the resulting expulsion, regulates our day.  Added to which we’re unable to spend hours on social media or in Roscoe’s case his beloved weekend treat, his X box,  as the ‘wee’ dog needs our attention, our time and love. Monty dog forces us to think ahead, to structure and plan our time.  He makes us form habitual patterns to our lives rather than the chaotic whiff of panic, last minuteness and resulting lateness which has emanated from our four walls these past years.

And I don’t think this is going to be easy.  For Craig and I this type of stress has become habitual DNA.  For Roscoe, living this way is all he’s really known.  But for this bouncy, blonde bundle to turn into a well behaved, obedient animal, we are going to have to grit our teeth and get into a consistent routine.

In return we’re going to have oodles of love and adoration and what I’m sure will be many insights to share on this blog.