This week I read the transcript and then listen and watch Oprah Winfrey accept her Cecil B. DeMille award at the 2018 Golden Globes. Wow! This woman can tell a story. Her powers of oration do not automatically qualify her as a suitable presidential candidate but as a speaker of her truth she has no rival.

Winfrey, is without doubt an inspirational figure in the current mêlée of victim, accuser, bully, predator, opportunist, rapist or in my experiences, boss.

My #me too experiences are unfortunately many as I grew up in an era when men thought it was their right to touch and feel, suggest and leer and on occasion physically force themselves on the female form. This was the time when as a young girl, I could open the cupboard and be greeted by the images of semi-naked/bikini clad girls on my Dads beer cans. Where I would beg the babysitter to let me stay up to watch Miss World, broadcast on the BBC. This was the time when a grope was a way of saying “I fancy you” and standing on a crowded underground tube train could engender the indelible feeling of hand on thigh, bum or even boob with no chance of reprisal. My first ever communications role was for an automotive company which produced ‘tasteful’ naked girly calendars to rival Pirelli and they expected us to distribute these without a bat of an eye or blush of cheek.

Looking back I realise I had a high moral code, borne from earlier childhood experiences, which prevented my capitulation. Others were not so fortunate. In my early career  I join a FTSE building supplies and manufacturing company as their Head of Communications.  Within a week I discover that I can not eject the sub-standard (and expensive) video and media supplier as their account director is “very close” to one of our Executive Directors. I like her personally but can not abide such shenanigans particularly on my patch. Despite instigating a performance review and subsequent 4-way agency pitch in a tight cost cutting environment, I’m informed by the ‘Heid yin’ there will be no change of supplier. Later, the HR Director propositions me, offering me role protection in return for sexual favours.  This is brazenly done in his family home after luring me there to drop off some ostensibly urgent work papers as I travel home. ( His wife and two children are conveniently out at the time) He is robustly rejected on this occasion and on several others before I find myself being made redundant at a time when the organisation needs my change communication skills more than ever.

Dusting myself off,  6 weeks later I join a Global British IT institution where for several years I work closely with the CEO and his Executive team. I love this role and the company until I have to take out a legal deposition as the CEO has physically sexually attacked me in a hotel room where we’re supposed to be discussing next steps after a successful management conference. Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened but it is the first time that he is so physical and it’s very frightening. By this point the pattern is becoming too frequent to ignore . Helpfully the lawyer points out that the deposition only has a 3 month time limit after which it’s considered to be null and void.  This is the catalyst I need.  As it’s becoming more difficult to do my job effectively, I speak to another Executive and interview for a new role. It means a promotion and an international move. When successful I’m given the CEO’s full blessing. We both know, without words, this is an elegant solution.

The trouble with such experiences is the far-reaching impact. I suffer badly from imposter syndrome as a result of such attacks. Am I not as good as I think? Did I only get the role because of how I looked? Did I only get my promotion to get me out of the way? Did I deserve this (unwanted) attention? What do others think of me? What do I think of myself?  The accompanying feelings of fear, disgust, anger, worry, concern, guilt pop up frequently.  These thoughts and feelings have followed me throughout my career and despite some extraordinary opportunities and off the chart performances and deliverables, I still live with residual doubts.

It’s all too easy to take the blame, to stay quiet, to move on without a fuss. During my career, we women, paid less, working more, have had to fight for our right to perform in what was previously largely considered to be a men’s club. If you want to get to the table with those boys you either had to bend over or be flexible and prepared to move. As I hopped from one role to the next it didn’t occur to me that this was not my fault. That this abuse of power was not ‘just normal’. That I had a right to be protected and supported when these men decided to take full advantage of their seniority and power.

So I’m emboldened and heartened by the ‘Me too’ movement. With clearer sight of right and wrong both men and women have more visible guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate in today’s workplace. Flirting is fine as long as both parties are mutually interested,  both now know where the line is and the potential consequences of crossing it. However, I fear that old habits can be hard to break and the male power and ego dynamic which lurks in so many large corporations means it is likely to take a generation and several prosecutions until the message is rammed home.  In no circumstances should a lewd suggestion or hand be placed on an unwilling subordinate. In no circumstances should any woman be made to feel lesser, inferior, because of a mistaken misogynistic, outdated male view-point.

This is why Oprah and the female celebrities before her, are so important. They raise the profile and awareness that this behaviour, it’s not okay. No matter what cultural or belief system you are raised in, it’s never okay.  The people of the world, no matter where they’re located, are beginning to hear and see that society is changing and its possible to take a stand.  And the brave women who speak their truths need to be supported and listened to for they are today’s pioneers and change catalysts, shining beacons of worth and courage.

The more we open our hearts, tell our truths, let go of the inner disgust, fear and self-blame, the more we forge a path for the sisters of tomorrow to walk head high, and become the leaders they have every right to be.