Tag Archives: resilience

Why

Although employed by the UK Department of Trade, I’m locally engaged. This means when Craig moves roles and I go with him ( there are some days when this is more of a consideration than an absolute…hah), I will need to leave my role and stop leading my fantastic Caribbean DIT team.

The thought of this day has me almost coming out in hives. Having invested so much into my current role, there is much still to do and still so much more to learn. I’m just getting started.

But public service people-change is structured and planned. Particularly in relation to overseas roles. So it’s inevitable we will move on; even though, at this time, we have no clue as to where and when.

Dealing as a “trailing spouse” with this level of ambiguity, where I have no control nor influence, and where I have to give up my own hard-won job, is turning out to be harder than I thought. I’m driving my mentor batty with my over-thinking and frustrated drive for action.

I need to create and package a portable career; a transferable kitbag of skills, knowledge and experience, which can be deployed wherever we end up. I comfort myself that I knew only a little about international trade and investment two and a half years ago and yet here I am today, regularly speaking publicly, leading the most productive team in LATAC and directing the work of the Caribbean Trade Envoy. And all the while managing degrees of complexity, a vast array of wide ranging challenges and a suite of stakeholder engagement that makes my corporate career seem like a whimsical breeze.

Yet I remain uncertain and nervous. I’m wired for work and the fear of future unproductive, unstructured days fills me with horror to such an extent that I’m over-engineering from the get go. So my mentor sets me the task of updating my CV and forming the stories I will share of my experiences and achievements. Writing is a passion so this doesn’t seem like too much of a chore until I sit down at my keyboard.

What do I want and much more importantly, why?

Prompted by conversations with my sis-in-law, I sign up for Simon Sinek’s foundation course on finding my why. I’m only part way through and loving it but have found today’s exercise to be mentally challenging. The task is to write at least 6 stories on my life’s peaks and valley’s, stories which elicit emotional highs and lows which I can tell with passion and authenticity. In the beginning this seems similar to the work done on the True North leadership journey but as my depth of self awareness and emotion has increased since my cancer, I’m much more prepared to be open, honest, vulnerable and raw.

And it stinks.

I discover, as I write the headings and shape over forty story bones, that my desire to spin gold out of horse manure, has disappeared. I can see patterns and themes emerging as if the theatre curtain has swept open while I stand on stage; undressed, alone and vulnerable. I’m untethered.

So here I am unburdening on this blog. Trying to create distance from the jotter of notes and timelines and memories. Sitting with more whys than Simon Sinek has ever dreamed of in his entire puff.

I know the ‘what’ of my stories and in most cases I know the ‘how’ but the why??? There is so much I can’t answer particularly in those stories languishing in the valleys of life. I can’t take responsibility for others actions and decisions, I’m only responsible for choosing and accepting my reaction and action to these circumstances. In many stories patterns emerge of white knuckle survival, the outsider’s desire to belong and a dogged determination to not show reaction or weakness, even when crumbling inside. But the why? The purpose, motivation and intended outcomes of others… well I’ll never know. My fear of being a victim means I spend little time pondering on why others have acted as they’ve done; it’s a senseless enquiry as it doesn’t change the past and increases the chances of poor behaviours based on deep seated fears. It has the potential to become a never ending perpetual cycle of introspection and conjecture.

I’ve come to realise that my why, my purpose, needs to be based on sunshine experiences so I’m not reacting to negative forces. It’s a real Star Wars insight. I choose to be Luke and reject thoughts of Anakin.

So whether it’s the 5 why’s (going back to my total quality management days here) or the NLP clean questioning guidance when ‘Why’ can never be part of the interactive dialogue enquiry; this 3 letter word has the potential to elicit powerful emotions and reactions.

I will step through the rest of this course with more caution, consideration and care.

And get on with the easier task of updating my CV.

In transition

We’ve had a bit of a wake up call.  Our happy go lucky, ‘get stuck right in’ boy has been struck with huge waves of homesickness.  Through the body shakes and tears I listen to the sobbing distress my heart breaking as I cuddle him tight.  This is his journey, I cannot ignore it or make light of his feelings, this is a time for reassurance, trust, love.  Together we acknowledge these feelings and sensations are normal and that ‘tears out’ rather than ‘sadness in’ is a healthier way to manage.  I am learning that I cannot move him on from his missings towards his forward hopes too quickly. Together we acknowledge just what and more importantly for him, who, he has left behind.  Then we speak of the good times and the memories that make us both laugh.  I listen to the talk of what is missing or wrong with where we are before I steer the conversation towards what we’re going to do tomorrow and what he hopes to do this year.  Sometimes,  this cycle is repeated twice, three times before the sobbing stops.  Always I am reminded that these are the experiences which will make my boy an empathetic, loving man.  I know that these challenging times are what shapes him – not the surf lessons , the football or golf, the paddle boarding or sunset dog walking.  It’s the tough stuff; finding your place and way at the new school; being open with your emotions and asking for help; dealing with name calling from insecure older boys; knowing who to trust and who to avoid; managing tricky situations. And through all of this, I see glimpses of the man he’s going to become and I am heartened.  This boy-child is already dealing with transitions that many adults would struggle with and he’s doing so with openness and grace, with humility and patience, through tears and laughter.  I know, even if he doesn’t yet, that he will be a well-balanced, fabulous human being.  That each tricky situation builds his character and generates more inner resilience.  These life skills cannot be taught in a classroom, they must be lived.

Over the summer I’ve had girlfriends deal with children who did not achieve the exam results they hoped for, or school places where they would have contributed far more than mere academic achievement.  I firmly believe that when a child learns disappointment and has to manage the accompanying peer group pressure, it’s an opportunity to develop backbone, drive and stamina. A life shaping opportunity.  Those who sail on through, whether by hard work, chance or luck miss out somehow.

Learned through 30 years of  work, I know skills and knowledge can be taught and passed on but if aptitude and attitude is missing then there is little hope of further development or progression.  Attitude and aptitude are forged in times of crisis, disappointment, hurt. How you choose in the moment, to deal with upset, trauma and fear says a lot about your personality and resilience.  As mentors, parents, life coaches or guides, we best serve by acknowledging difficult experiences and  talking about what can be learned for next time; by listening –  not judging, shouting nor fixing.  By standing by with the belay, ready to break the fall, not stop it from happening.

Our lives consist of memories and stories.  Great times and sad times. Joys and disappointments.  What we choose to learn and remember and how we choose to deal with any life situation is what shapes our very humanness.  In nurturing my growing boy-man, riding the waves of his homesickness with him, I’m painfully casting my tiger mummy skin.

We are both in transition.

 

Just listen

Blog. Listen. Crystal BallIt’s fair to say that we are facing a decade of unprecedented change. None of us have a crystal ball and goodness knows what may  or may not happen.

I’m seeing an explosion of advice on social media on topics such as;

resilience;

how to lead through Brexit;

how to manage though uncertainty;

how Brexit may affect organisational culture,

as companies and individuals seek to understand,  gain kudos and see financial opportunity during this period.  Blog. Listen. Tianmen Mountain ChinaI am neither shocked nor surprised at this proliferation of words.

Out of the chaos will come new order and in shaping new order there is a myriad of opportunities.

 

Personally I’m dealing with the result of the EU referendum vote by trying to understand the other side, by actively seeking out and listening to those who have a completely different point of view to my own.  I struggle to reconcile my perception of a United Kingdom with the harsh reality of what others’ think and feel.  However,  it’s obvious that others’ views and experiences of our country are very different to mine.  Each is valid in its own right.  So I’m stepping into a conversation where I put my own values and beliefs to one side and ‘whole body listen’ to an opposing view.  It’s hard sometimes, to not interject, influence or argue, yet ask probing questions.  Even harder to move the conversation forward when it’s obvious that to stay on that topic would potentially be detrimental to valued relationships.  I have learned a lot from listening; concerns over future employment, NATO, our ability to defend our country and its rights and rising immigration are all levers for people making their recent democratic mark.

Today, leaders are beginning to realise that listening, not transmitting, is a skill they need to demonstrate and deploy. No where is this need more evident than watching Tony Blair’s performance this week in light of the Chilcot enquiry.  There he is, stripped of the trappings of office, cocooned by self confidence and belief, veering between humility and belligerence as he responds to wave upon wave of questions while divulging more than he has done in the previous 13 years.  Yet despite being the most successful leader of the Labour party in the last 100 years, with 3 terms elected to Prime Minister’s office, based on the newspaper and media reports of this week,  his personal reputation, in the UK, lies in tatters.

Blog. Listen. Blair headlines from chilcot

Some were more  prescient about Blair’s weaknesses.  When the late Robin Cook, then Leader of the House of Commons, resigned  as a result of his opposition to the Iraq war, he was the first MP who was universally clapped  in the debating chamber by all parties at the end of his speech.  And the late Charles Kennedy, then leader of the Liberal Democrats, did more than most in his opposition of the war on Iraq, and was scathing in his damnation of Blair’s style of government, as the following extract from one of his many speeches testifies:

‘We are not the masters. The people are the masters. We are the people’s servants. Forget that and the people will soon show that what the electorate give, the electorate can take away.’ That’s what Tony Blair told his new MPs in his first speech to them after his first election victory. Good instincts. Great ideals. Today tarnished for good.

No more glad, confident morning for this shop-soiled Labour government. They seek to manage, not lead; to manipulate, not tell it as it is. I don’t actually subscribe to the view that all power corrupts. But absolute power – when secured on the back of massive parliamentary majorities, which don’t reflect the balance of political opinion in the country – can corrupt absolutely.

The soul goes out of politics. So the system itself simply has to change. I tell you this.  If the British House of Commons had known then what it knows now – about the events leading up to that fateful parliamentary debate and vote on committing our forces into war in Iraq – then the outcome could and should have been fundamentally different.

But, of course, parliament did not know these things. Because the government’s instinct is to shroud itself in secrecy. To act like the office of a president instead of as a collective cabinet government held to account by the elected House of Commons. This is supposed to be a parliamentary democracy. What we’ve seen is a small clique driving us into a war, disregarding widespread public doubts. That is not acceptable.

Charles Kennedy, Liberal Democrats party conference 2003

The Chilcot findings lay bare the consequences of selective listening.  Perhaps the decision to go to war, along with some other tenants of New Labour philosophy, planted the seeds of division and discontent,  feeding, watering and growing the reality of a Brexit exit.

Back in 97 The Labour government allowed nationals of new EU nations to come to the UK with little check or brake applied (unlike the rest of the then EU).  The effects of this policy are clear in the Institute of Public Policy Research.

 Many places in Britain previously almost untouched by immigration, such as rural counties and market towns, now host significant migrant communities. One of our contributors, Arten Llazari, an Albanian by birth, works in Wolverhampton, a city in which the long established communities from the Indian subcontinent  and the Caribbean have been joined by new communities of Iraqi and Somali refugees, as well as economic migrants from Poland and Romania.   London, and in a smaller way, Birmingham, Manchester, Cardiff and Glasgow, have become super-diverse global cities. Over the last six years of Labour rule, the UK’s Polish population alone increased by some half a million – a population equivalent to the size of Britain’s fifth-biggest city, Sheffield. In short, it is no exaggeration to say that immigration under New Labour has changed the face of the country.  

                                The Institute for Public Policy Research (ippr), Nov 2011

New Labour also adopted a more centrist approach to funding.  For example they continued to cap local expenditure, allowing local government to raise only 30% of its own funding, introducing more and more targets and reviews so local government became constrained and unable to respond appropriately to local concerns. Quangos, think tanks, Parliamentary and Ministerial ‘special’ advisers proliferated, choking and subverting the machinations and knowledge of the civil service, giving rise to underhand and contradictory media briefings, preventing a cohesive story to an increasingly disenchanted electorate.

In addition New Labour followed Antony Gidden’s “Third Way” philosophy, effectively creating the foundations of  more globalist thinking:

The Third Way sees the nation state as too big for small problems and too small for big ones – hence the enthusiasm for devolution in the UK and the passing of some functions to Europe. And recently with the war in the Balkans there has been the beginning of a debate about the end of the sanctity of the nation state and the emergence of a new moral order which does not accept the old notion that what one does within one’s own borders is one’s own business.

Niall Dixon, BBC Social Affairs editor, Sept 1999

Blog. Listen. Scottish and English flagsA central tenant of the Third Way and  New Labour’s manifesto in 97 was the promise of devolution in Scotland and Wales.  As a result  of their election, this promise was enacted, swiftly followed by the recognition of a similar body in Northern Ireland as part of the 1998 Good Friday agreement.  Thus began the fragmentation of identity and sense of belonging to the United Kingdom.

Even with limited powers these parliamentary bodies began to create greater divide from the Westminster elite. And while  Scottish, Northern Irish and Welsh Ministers could still vote in English matters, (the ‘West Lothian question’) this was not a reciprocal arrangement.  The argumentative Scots took full advantage. And as a Scot living in England while the Scottish referendum for independence raged, I narrowly avoided several bursts of vehemence and frustration directed at my compatriots north of the border.  The normally placid Southerners were outraged that the Scots wanted more cake even though their bellies were full from all of the cakes they had already eaten!! It was clear even then that we were becoming a divided nation, turning inward to squabble.

The thorny issue of the West Lothian question demonstrated the extent to which New Labour proved to be very good at parking or ignoring difficult policy issues in the mistaken belief that once the policy was reality, the big issues would sort themselves.  Another example is GP’s pay and the subsequent impact on the much beloved and beleaguered  National Health Service.  Back in 2004, the British Medical Association (BMA) were incredulous when the Government offered GPs the opportunity to not do evening and weekend work for a 6% pay cut. While Doctors lost out in basic pay they were able to top up their earnings by hitting targets under a performance-related bonus scheme.  So when the new NHS contract came into force,  nine out of 10 practices opted out of providing weekend and evening care.  While most NHS trusts put in alternative arrangements at significantly increased costs, hospital A&E departments continue to this day to report on an increase in patients and an overload on costs, efficiency and the system. Protecting our NHS system for future generations is  less to do with usage and money being diverted than with the additional costs it has had to bear since the new GP contract of 2004 (since the deal started in 2004, average GP pay has topped the £100,000 barrier.  This is not the case for other NHS professionals!)

And while funding the NHS will alway strike a chord with the electorate, the popularity of making grandiose promises in party manifestos has grown in favour since New Labour’s historic election win in 1997.  Now most political parties make such promises – as the Scottish Independence tenant as part of the  Scottish National  Party manifesto demonstrates. Equally Cameron must rue the day he made an EU referendum vote central to his election promise in 2015. Most voters don’t vote on manifesto promises. However, this may ultimately change if the Liberal Democrats maintain their proposed manifesto promise of returning Britain to the European Union.

As for the Iraq war; going to a war that vast swathes of the population did not want, told the man on the street his views did not matter.   As the electorate discontent grew, the fighting inside the Labour Party reached a crescendo that eventually saw it fall to a hung parliament of Conservative/Liberal Democrats.  blog.listen con lib dem allianceThus began an uneasy alliance which seemed to herald a new era of politics for the country, a potential way forward, requiring collaboration and co-creation.  But the seeds of ill ease within the Conservative Party  were growing, more liberal policy adoption angered the right of the Party, who began more and more to align themselves with the venom of UKIP.  David Cameron, in order to see off UKIP in the 2015 general election, offered a simple EU referendum as part of his election manifesto.  Once elected he had to come good on this promise.  But his timing of this EU referendum was awful, too early in the parliamentary term and too close to the impacts of years of austerity.

Cameron’s inability to listen to large swathes of the population who had lost faith in experts, who had no relationship with an economic argument, who reacted badly to threats and fear and who wanted to gain back some control, created huge division in our country.  Listening, questioning, probing is crucial when forming narratives and story lines, adapting these as you build your understanding is crucial to winning hearts and minds.  Lamentably this was missing from the Remain side.

Ironically the parallels between Blair and Cameron’s leadership are all too evident.  Both had clear ideals and vision.  Both were buoyed by charisma and youth.  Both, eventually, believed too much in themselves, in their own rhetoric, in communication transmission. And with UK politics becoming much more Presidential in action (with ultimate authority effectively resting with one individual) rather than what the system is meant to be in practice – a parliamentary democracy, with collective decision making and accountability,  through a cabinet to Parliament – the increasing danger of one individual not listening, but following their own course of action is all too evident in today’s outcomes.

Effective communication is all about listening, engaging, responding. It’s about dialogue and discussion. It’s about flexing and adapting.  In a 24/7 digital world, where we all have a voice and opinion, being able to listen sorts the leader from the manager.

Women tend to be naturally better at this type of listening than men.  Let’s see what the next few months hold for the country….

Blog. Listen, May and leadsome

 

 

 

 

 

 

Resilience

start quote on resilienceIt’s two weeks before my operation.  The weight and enormity of my cancer diagnosis is behind me.  I’m focused on the practical.  All I have to do, prepare for, organise lies ahead.  There are lists in every notebook, on every large magnetic surface. I am a whirlwind of efficiency, able to project risks, variabilities, possibilities and solutions.  More loquacious than I’ve been for a long time, I ask for and receive help, love, support, kindness.  In amongst this maelstrom, I open an email.  Would I like to participate in  IC Fight Night?  An industry event where four executives postulate on various topics and be red or green carded by the audience.  Immediate feedback.  Immediate discussion.  Immediate interaction and debate.  Four leading industry executives. One winner.  It’s in April next year.  Months away.  I  think about it for less than  a minute before typing “I’d be delighted” and pressing send.

At the same time, my work colleagues  are having to dig deep.  Bigger change than envisaged before is upon them.  The largest corporate takeover in the UK for the  past 15 years is underway.  It’s bound by international regulations and resolution is at least 10 months away. Uncertainty abounds. So much ambiguity, so many choices.  Stay.  Go. Wait. Help!Mandela quote on resilience

I watch, frustratingly near, yet from afar.  The ironic parallels are noted.  Living with my own ambiguity, health and future uncertain,  I am unable to do any more than empathise.  Once at the heart of all people changes, I am relegated to being on the sidelines, not on the pitch.  My choices are focused on family, health, friends.  For the first time in a long time, work comes a distant fourth.    It’s a liberation.  A chance for unfettered learning and curiousity.  I become my own change experiment.great quote on resilience

I slowly learn to live in the now. This happens gradually.  A focus on small stuff – an organised cupboard, a fridge full of green stuff, a wall of past photographic memories, notebooks full of future hopes and dreams.  Little inconsequential decisions, irrelevant by themselves but all together making a larger unseen picture, the ramifications of which are felt by the future choices they enable. I start to become stronger again.   My perspective shifts. I’m living the cure for cancer, not seeking it.   Nothing I do is more important than getting well.

Invariably, time heals; my body and, gradually, my mind.  And before I recognise the change, the snowdrops are peeking out from the grey green foliage, the yellow gold of the daffodils brighten up our country lane and the light of the night begins to lengthen and stretch.  April is here.

And with it comes my past promise. Fight Night.

The week running up to the event, I have all these excuses in my head.  All of the reasons I cannot participate.  Then Craig has to go to Baku in Azerbaijan for work.  It’s like an omen.  I cannot go, I have to look after my son.    But an understanding girlfriend removes the obstacle and once more I am clear to attend.  The only thing stopping me is me.  This is my test.  Can I function in a work environment again?  Can I offer any value?  Do I have anything worthwhile to share?resilience 4

Walking into the room is an inner strength test, almost comparable to being told about potential side effects the night before my operation. All around me are political election slogans and campaign posters.  This is the home of Bell Pottinger,  the advertising agency, whose ability to tap into the Zeitgeist of the day helped bring  Margaret Thatcher to power. In fact, our “fight” is located in the very room where she learned she was the next Prime Minister of the UK.  Thankfully all of this masculine posturing is negated by the warm greeting of a fellow panellist.  She and I joke about what we’re doing before the room starts to fill up.

Formats explained, everyone settled down, Fight Night begins.  A lively debate ensues on the value of having an organisation purpose, which segues into a heated conversation on the validity of resilience and if it’s something which can/should be trained.  I am in the thick of it.  Out of the window goes any reservation that my brain might not be working, that I’m better observing and participating with pithy one liners.  Oh no, I am passionate about purpose and resilience – two areas where I have personally invested these past nine months.  I’m up to my welly boots, and beyond, in debate. resilence diagram
In flow, I share that a purpose is required for attraction, recruitment and engagement – particularly of millennials; that resilience needs to be learned, not taught.  But this is greatly aided by providing a framework and tools for people to explore.  I talk about the value of peer group storytelling and experiences, about holding the conversation and listening.  I talk about brand purpose being so closely aligned to strategy deployment there is no chink between them.  I listen to the discussion on the differences and sameness of brand expression externally and the internal employer brand.  I offer a view on a more transient employee base – made up of knowledge workers, contractors, consultants affecting the employment proposition – challenging participants to stop just thinking about engaging employees. I get carried away talking about operating models and governance and the impact these have on change communications. And I listen to  others and learn much about channel strategy and the changing role of communicators and get involved in discussions on authenticity and leaders.   In summary, I have heaps of  fun.  And somehow, I “win” Fight Night.

But my real win is recognising I have no fear in sharing my truth.  And that, in this freedom, I connect with “flow”.  People may agree or disagree.  Red or Green card.  And I can bend, listen, laugh, be persuaded or stick to my thoughts and beliefs.

But always I am real.

Power Full.

Me.

maybe final quote on resilience blog