Tag Archives: Love and appreciation

Don’t wait to appreciate

I’ve spent the last few days listening to and watching the joy that was David Bowie.  I always liked him but some of his work was a bit avant guard, a bit noisy, scary for me. But funnily enough, now he’s gone and I know so much more, I can fully see and appreciate him for the musical icon that he was. Appreciation - David Bowie

But how many more popular personalities of our times know how well their talent is respected and appreciated?  Did Billie Holiday, Amy Winehouse, Jeff Buckley, Sam Cooke, Heath Ledger – this list is endless –  know how loved and appreciated they were in life?  Or do we, like I do for Bowie, only recognise the extent of their talent now it’s no longer available to us?

And those who are gone, closer to home who live in my heart and still guide my conscious and unconscious choices, how much did I tell them, show them, I loved them when I still could?  The answer sadly, is not enough.Dont wait to appreciate image 2

So for those of us unfortunate enough to have to deal with cancer or serious illness,are also given an incredible opportunity to see how much love and care we inspire in our lifetime.  And it is a gift, a blessing and a humbling experience that we experience this now, when we are still here, still living and breathing.

I would not wish my experience of the last few months on anyone.   No one should wait to a serious illness, cancer or death to know how special and truly loved they are.

So don’t hold back.  Be open with your appreciation.  Make the time to chat with  and listen to the supermarket checkout person, the postman, the bin-man, the garage mechanic, the trainee hairdresser who washes your hair, the neighbour, your doctor, florist, dry-cleaner –  in fact anyone you see who brightens your day or makes you feel normal and safe.

Tell those you care for how important they are for you and why. Take a few extra moments in the morning to cherish your loved ones. Share your feelings and thoughts for the day ahead, make sure you hug, touch and hold them tight, even for a brief moment.

Reach out to friends and family who you have not contacted for a while. Acknowledge them, say hello, thank you, strike up a conversation, write an email, make a Skype call.

Don’t wait until they’re gone.  Don’t wait until it’s too late.

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Small things matter

I have often been regarded, and probably regarded myself, as a big picture thinker. A strategist, able to look beyond the initial horizon, sometimes accused of seeing a horizon that no one else is looking at!! All of this scenario planning, future gazing, strategising, data interpreting, means that sometimes, I forget it’s the little things that really matter.

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I once received a great piece of feedback from one of my team. To start talking at the beginning of a thought, rather than starting a conversation in the middle, assuming that everyone else has made the connections or had similar thoughts.  (On reflection, this is brave and invaluable feedback – imagine how crazy some of my conversations must have been before I accepted and owned this behaviour?!)

And in the hurly burly of day-to-day corporate existence when time is short, information is plentiful and decisions and actions are taken at break-neck speed, it’s easy to explain such behaviour away.comms speech

But feedback like this pulls me up short and I  start to make time to think ahead about the purpose of the conversation and the outcome I’m looking for before any discussion happens, rather than at the point of communicating.

By being off sick and having time to reflect, I’ve realised I need to consider this feedback more broadly, beyond the singular  dimension of relaying a thought, idea or request, through speech or voice interaction.  For honest and real communication happens at the level of  how, not what.  Actions and behaviours (the how of communication) convey emotion, intention, values and beliefs far better than speech alone.Meraberain research

And time and circumstance gives me the opportunity to see and, experience, the how of communication in so many small and sometimes seemingly insignificant ways.

So I am more grateful and appreciative of;

The girlfriend, my first hospital visitor (apart from Craig), who comes bearing small arnica tablets which she proceeds to pop into my mouth (ignoring the nil by mouth  sign above my bed!) and for the time she spends creaming my face with moisturiser  when I look like a wreck and my halitosis is at its very worst.

For others who turn up during incredibly busy periods in their lives armed with gifts, magazines and flash cards to save my voice (these cause much hilarity in the hospital ward when I keep holding up the “need more gin” card).
Mr popper penguins 2For those who let me gatecrash their short, time-bound Christmas celebrations, when I’m straight out of hospital, with such grace and love and the others who come to the house that evening to hang out, cook and clean, watch bad movies and help me feel human again.

For those who arrive  bearing soup, foodstuffs and sustenance, for the many flowers I receive which brighten up every room, and for all the girlfriends who wash and style my hair during my initial weeks back home.

For the invitation  to join another family’s Christmas day celebrations and Christmas dinner . This truly tremendous and selfless Christmas gift  was gratefully taken up, greatly appreciated and thoroughly enjoyed.

For family, who come and stay and entertain Roscoe, clean the kitchen and generally pitch in with our revised family life – the house feels so empty and quiet now they’ve gone home.

For those who have Roscoe ensuring he never has to see me in hospital and to give me a break from his boundless enthusiasm for life,  who care for him as if he is their own, washing and ironing his clothes, feeding him and keeping him safe.

sloeginFor the exclusive home-made sloe gin which nearly causes me to fall over after one small glass.

For the silk scarves and chocolates which soften my neck and fatten me up, and for the walking companions who stoically  ignore my slurry communications and keep me talking.

For those who just drop in – when did we learn not to do this? Friends who drop by on the off chance are such welcome distractions to daily life.

For Roscoe, who is now  opening and closing my car door, carrying my provisions, slowly starting to do more for himself at home and who frequently asks if I’m okay.

For all the support,  advice, encouragement and guidance that comes from many different conversations.

For the cards, some sensible, most downright rude and hilarious which adorn my bookcase shelves and cause me to smile.

For the tribe who keep up the Whatsapp chats which keep me on track each day.

And for my husband who demonstrates in so many ways how much he loves and cares for me, without saying a single word.

I continue to  learn that it’s the little things I see, experience and do which  create the biggest waves of appreciation and joy.  Sometimes, all it takes is a look, a touch, a card, a word, a smile,  a text, a call, an email.

Most of the time, it’s the time itself, making the time to think of someone other than yourself, which creates the greatest impact.

When this comes from a place of care and openness, a place within yourself for another, it truly is a gift of love.

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