In the interminable juggle that comes with balancing home life and work life, it’s hard to remember the importance of social life. The opportunity to chill out and have fun.
In fact I have been given fun, focusing on fun, as some homework. In the beginning, I associate fun with laughing. So I’ve learned about the importance of the two limbic structures in my brain which play a role in laughter; my amygdala and my hippocampus. Turns out that my amydgala helps me take part in normal human activities such as friendship, love and affection, as well as ascertaining my moods. And my hippocampus is a major contributor to loud, uncontrollable laughter.
Research by Loma Linda University discovers that humour, which they describe as ‘mirthful laughter’, engages the entire brain. Mirthful laughter creates gamma wave band frequencies similar to meditation which in turn allows us to think more clearly and see our issues in a wider, more integrated way. According to Dr Lee Berk from Loma Linda university “This is of great value to individuals who need or want to revisit, reorganize, or rearrange various aspects of their lives or experiences, to make them feel whole or more focused,” .
If you are interested in the science of laughter, more information is available on the laughteronlineuniversity. Or watch a Ted Talk by the neuroscientist, Sophie Scott.
It’s all very interesting but I begin to question my definition of fun. My Collins English dictionary describes it as “a source of enjoyment, amusement or merriment”. Fun is aligned with, but not necessarily the same as, laughter or happiness. And in my case, striving for contentment felt like it was enough. 
Being content is described as “mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are”. Boy, was I selling myself short!
So, do you know what fun means for you? How do you experience it? And, how do you keep fun alive in your life?
This is my quest – finding out what fun means for me.
Roscoe turns out to be a great source of finding my way. Playing football with him and Craig on a beach in St Andrews in Scotland where wind, rain, hail and sunshine appear in the space of 5 minutes is great fun. I still don’t know how to kick a ball with anything other than my toes. But I do know how to move sweater goal posts when they’re not looking and I’m the goalie.
Working as his sous Lego chef, when we’re rebuilding a model is fun. True, my OCD and I have fun while sorting out his thousands of Lego pieces into colour, shape, size and form and bagging them up appropriately. But it’s a fabulous feeling to be squirrelling through these bags searching for the light grey flat piece with 6 bumps and finding it. He appears to not be impressed but I know he loves the fact that his Mum loves playing with Lego almost as much as he does.
I find fun, out walking and talking with friends when the wind blows or the sun shines or when the cold and rain makes you dream of a warm log fire and a large glass of something lovely. I love it when friends stretch my brain, looking for a discussion or a disagreement, without rancour, with the intention to stretch ourselves, dream new ideas, create new possibilities.
Equally I love listening to friends who have stories which belong in soaps, comedies or drama series – their lives are full of adventures and tales and experiences. Others are happy to be silly with me, throwing themselves with gusto into whatever is going on – whether its Cards against Humanity or pinging themselves off the sides of mountains as we attempt to ski after nice long and quite liquid lunches and/or apres ski.
I have fun with music, I’m infamous for my love of exhibition dancing. And, I have such fun travelling, meeting new people, having new experiences, learning new ways to be, trying new foods, finding new places to get lost. Actually I don’t necessarily need to travel to experience these things. It’s just sometimes more socially acceptable to get lost somewhere else than your own back yard.
What am I learning?
I’m relaxed when pottering around on my own. On the basis of my fun definition, I’m happy in my own company. I have fun when Roscoe and Craig are happy, in fact watching them have fun is contagious and it spreads to me even when I’m not taking part. But the real learning is that I have most fun when I’m with others, being part of a small group, be it family, friends or even strangers. Fun for me is being social.
I’m ready to come out to play.
This is the time of year when people think about new starts and new beginnings. This is often accompanied by a raft of New Year resolutions, a burst of good intentions, and then the reality of life slides in and in most cases the good intentions melt away. So how can we make these desired changes stick? What do we need to do differently to make a difference?
Is it because we really want to change or is it some societal, cultural or social expectation that causes us to think we need to change? If it’s the latter then its likely that the wish to change is not in the right place and so it’s best to leave any big resolution to later. This relates to knowing if the driver of change is to do with time (e.g. if I don’t do this now I never will). Can the planned change wait for a more opportune moment? If the answer to this is yes, then wait. However if the need is pressing and the desire is strong, this is a good time to think about the changes you want to make.
Knowing why you want to change is important and this will strengthen resolve on those days where you are feeling tired, fed up or weak. Is your driver towards a need for something better or is it a move away from something not so good. Does your need for change relate to money, status, progression, greater autonomy or freedom, wellbeing, health or another cause?
If you can frame your resolution as an outcome, you have a better chance at sticking with it. Try and make it as clear as possible. Close your eyes, imagine you have achieved your resolution. How do you feel; what do you see; what can you hear; what are you touching, tasting, and looking at?
I am focused on how I will make the small steps to help make my resolution achievable. The actions, I will take are specific, achievable and measurable. They are also time bound and realistic. In other words they are SMART.