All my life I have been concerned about brand and reputation.  Not just from a company perspective but how I personally appear and show up in every work, social and personal situation.

Rarely I have let my guard down.   I learned, from an early age, to hide fear, hurt, frustration, pain and tears.  These were for quiet solitary moments or for at the pictures, when it’s okay to cry like a baby at some story on the screen.

So telling people who I really care about that I had cancer was really hard.  In the beginning it felt like a weakness; I was apologetic and then would try to defuse the situation with some weak joke or quip.  Or I’d start asking questions about them – anything to take the focus away from me.  Those initial days I spent a lot of time in tears or nearly in tears. It seemed like I had a river inside and it was determined to burst its banks and cause a flood.

I also began to realise that I could not control the message, that people would talk and would share what they felt was appropriate for them and the recipient.  Once the news was out, I could not contain or manage it.  There was little spin to put on this, apart from to keep repeating that I was not a typical mouth cancer patient, never having smoked, a light drinker and never had the HPE virus.  I was also under 50!

So, recognising I needed my friends to help me get through this, I set up a Whatsapp group for those who had it on their phones.  For those I really needed I begged and cajoled that they loaded this app.  Friends such as Jill, in Canada, who is in her late 70’s, and Jenny, my most technophobic  friend, were just two examples of those who downloaded Whatsapp and learned to stick with it.  This group – my tribe/ network/ buddies/team – are exceptional individuals.  Collectively they are beyond compare.  They are there for me when I need to keep myself looking outwards. They offer comfort, treat me with love and derision when I get lost in my own self, chew the cud, tell stories and generally keep me going. Best of all, they don’t need me now to start or even keep the conversation flowing; they will chat amongst themselves, despite the fact that Whatsapp is the only way many of them have met.

I’ve stopped trying to present myself in a particular way – what my tribe have taught me is to be myself.  So when I’ve been frightened,  focused, driven, scared, happy or confused – they know.  It’s been such a revelation that by letting go, by being me and not worrying about my brand, just how much better I feel about myself and just how much I help and inspire others.

So today I want to acknowledge and be thankful for having Karen, Jenny, Jill, Haydee, Anke, Isobel,Clare, Lucy, Anna, Luci, Catherine, Carol, Andrea, Denise, Justin, Paul, Craig,  Tracey, Sam, Wendy, Sally, Amanda, Dani, Maria, Jan, Jodie and Julia as part of my tribe.

And what’s amazing is there are others too, fabulous friends who have also reached out and offered love and support.

This blog is a result of me learning to be who I am.  And this is a direct result of the love of my tribe.