We’ve had a bit of a wake up call.  Our happy go lucky, ‘get stuck right in’ boy has been struck with huge waves of homesickness.  Through the body shakes and tears I listen to the sobbing distress my heart breaking as I cuddle him tight.  This is his journey, I cannot ignore it or make light of his feelings, this is a time for reassurance, trust, love.  Together we acknowledge these feelings and sensations are normal and that ‘tears out’ rather than ‘sadness in’ is a healthier way to manage.  I am learning that I cannot move him on from his missings towards his forward hopes too quickly. Together we acknowledge just what and more importantly for him, who, he has left behind.  Then we speak of the good times and the memories that make us both laugh.  I listen to the talk of what is missing or wrong with where we are before I steer the conversation towards what we’re going to do tomorrow and what he hopes to do this year.  Sometimes,  this cycle is repeated twice, three times before the sobbing stops.  Always I am reminded that these are the experiences which will make my boy an empathetic, loving man.  I know that these challenging times are what shapes him – not the surf lessons , the football or golf, the paddle boarding or sunset dog walking.  It’s the tough stuff; finding your place and way at the new school; being open with your emotions and asking for help; dealing with name calling from insecure older boys; knowing who to trust and who to avoid; managing tricky situations. And through all of this, I see glimpses of the man he’s going to become and I am heartened.  This boy-child is already dealing with transitions that many adults would struggle with and he’s doing so with openness and grace, with humility and patience, through tears and laughter.  I know, even if he doesn’t yet, that he will be a well-balanced, fabulous human being.  That each tricky situation builds his character and generates more inner resilience.  These life skills cannot be taught in a classroom, they must be lived.

Over the summer I’ve had girlfriends deal with children who did not achieve the exam results they hoped for, or school places where they would have contributed far more than mere academic achievement.  I firmly believe that when a child learns disappointment and has to manage the accompanying peer group pressure, it’s an opportunity to develop backbone, drive and stamina. A life shaping opportunity.  Those who sail on through, whether by hard work, chance or luck miss out somehow.

Learned through 30 years of  work, I know skills and knowledge can be taught and passed on but if aptitude and attitude is missing then there is little hope of further development or progression.  Attitude and aptitude are forged in times of crisis, disappointment, hurt. How you choose in the moment, to deal with upset, trauma and fear says a lot about your personality and resilience.  As mentors, parents, life coaches or guides, we best serve by acknowledging difficult experiences and  talking about what can be learned for next time; by listening –  not judging, shouting nor fixing.  By standing by with the belay, ready to break the fall, not stop it from happening.

Our lives consist of memories and stories.  Great times and sad times. Joys and disappointments.  What we choose to learn and remember and how we choose to deal with any life situation is what shapes our very humanness.  In nurturing my growing boy-man, riding the waves of his homesickness with him, I’m painfully casting my tiger mummy skin.

We are both in transition.