Moving to a new country and starting the process of integration is always fraught with excitement and disappointment. And while I am fortunate to have some knowledge and contacts in this continent, I have to remind myself to lower my expectations of what would be considered to be common decency and manners in my own culture.

Where I’m from and brought up if I were to say, “I’ll call you next week”, I would call you next week. Were we to arrange to meet and I had to cancel because I was ill and therefore had to reappoint, I would make darned sure, I was in contact to confirm and I would show. If we made an appointment, I wouldn’t call 30 minutes beforehand and cancel. If I said I would look you up next time I was in town, I would look you up and we’d meet for coffee or a glass of wine.

In short, where I’m from, you do what you say. You stand by and show up to your commitments because that is being a respectful human. Respectful of others time and their attention, respectful of what it takes to reach out.

Of course events happen, plans change, other priorities pop up. But communication costs nothing and for the sake of a 30 second text, a quick email or a short phone call, mutual respect is maintained.

So now I’m adjusting my expectations while making sure that I don’t let my own standards slip. It’s important to observe, note and manage oneself accordingly. While behaviour might be driven by cultural, hierarchical, psychological patterns, it should never be mirrored particularly when it contradicts values, or decency.