Breakthrough

The last time I successfully chewed any food using the back teeth on the left hand side of my jaw was Friday, December 4, 2015.

Until today.

This morning, after barre class at the studio, I stopped off to buy some Christmas decorations for the school Interact club donation drive and managed to walk out of the store with an additional small bag of caramel popcorn.  It’s a weakness which is indulged after every exercise session and it’s probably the contributing factor to my not losing any weight.

Feeling part guilty, part starved, I prise open the bag and start driving whilst scoffing away.  About six mouthfuls of popcorn later,  I start getting jaw ache –  this is quite common and is a side effect of the mouth cancer.   Only this time my belly is not giving up so easy, so the communication signal goes to the brain to  try to use the left side incisors.   (The last time I did this I ended up with a very chewed, painful and mangled flap which took nearly a year to heal). Tentatively, carefully, I take one kernel and pop it into the left side of my mouth and slowly start to chew.  It feels so good and the taste is more satisfying, almost sweeter.  Even better, there is no pain and nothing else but the popcorn gets chewed.  I try again, and again, and again, until there is no popcorn left.

And I know this seems like a stupid thing to write about but it’s such a victory.  If I can do it with popcorn, I can do it with other foodstuffs and this opens up lots of new opportunities to try different tastes and textures.

I am so grateful that I continue to recover and heal.  These small things deserve to be recognised and celebrated.