It’s our wedding anniversary today.  And for the second year running, I remember and give Craig a card (nothing too soppy though – we’re not that kind of couple!).

We’re spending the day with dear friends who were around when we met in Kampala and who also credit Uganda as their ‘coming together’ place.  It’s lovely to reminisce and catch up  –  and several times today I hear stories and remember memories I’d forgotten but which come flooding back in full colour as more detail is added.   This jolting of recall is a magical anniversary gift.    Taking us all back to what feels like simpler days.  Those were the days which were just about us, no complication of children, mortgages, pets or juggling life.  As I reflect, I’m grateful that I waited for Craig.  I kissed princes, frogs and a few others, along the way but by the time I said “I do”, I was ready.

It’s very hard to know if you should ever tell a loved one that they are making a wrong decision.  Craig’s Mum had no such compunction and she made her feelings very clear about his choice of life partner.  In fact on our wedding day, the only words she uttered in my direction were to tell me to get the band to turn the sound down as she couldn’t hear herself speak to her friends!  But saying nothing is almost easier than stepping up to the plate.  So I admire May Fulton’s honesty although it’s obvious to me now that it wasn’t personal; no woman would ever have been good enough for her wee boy.

I’ve always valued honesty in my girlfriends and I’ve tried to reciprocate wherever I can.  However, I almost lost a close girlfriend by telling her she was making a mistake by saying yes to a man unworthy of her.   Even though, many years later, they’re still together, it’s not a union that could be described as happy or harmonious.  And it’s clear to me now that so many of the life choices we make are not us knowing the ‘right’ decision but are instead dictated by time and circumstance.  My Mum used to say, “if in doubt, don’t”.  I’ve lived my life with this running through my head, which may account for my multiple engagements yet only one wedding day.  Sometimes all it takes is a bit more time for the right choice to become clear.

So saying I have other dear friends who knew very quickly that they’d found their life partner.  It took us girl friends a bit longer to come to the same conclusion and I’m often reminded of my prediction that their union would not last.  Eighteen years, two children and an international relocation later, they are still very much together.  And I’m very delighted to be wearing so much egg on my face.

So while I’m basking in old memories, I think back to the day when I said yes.   I honestly don’t know the exact date; I scarcely remember our wedding anniversary – but  I do remember we first kissed on 12 July 2002 in the gardens of plot 11, Roscoe road, Kampala.    Fast forward a couple of years and we’re enjoying a lunch time picnic in the gardens of the Baha’i temple.  Despite living in Uganda for 6 years I’ve never been here and I’m sorry for not having made the trip sooner.    The entire place emanates a sense of harmonious peace and tranquillity.  Located in its own 52 acres site on Kikaaya hill, it’s about 7 km from the city centre and today the view of the city is crisp and clear, the noise and bustle seeming hundreds of miles away.  The temple itself is a nine sided building designed to represent unity of all faiths.  Its golden brick gleams in the sunlight and the green 44ft diameter dome stretches 130ft into the blue cloudless sky.   After a leisurely wander around the temple, we sit in the well manicured garden,  shaded by a large tree.  I fuss around with eats and drinks all the while thinking Craig is quietly subsumed by the serenity and peace of the place.  Below us a group of school children are listening intently to their lessons, the sound of the African lilt coming from the teaching nuns is being carried upwards in the light breeze. Craig jolts me out of my revere with a meaningful speech about there only being seven Baha’i  temples in the world.  That’s one for every continent so we’re sitting  in a most special place in Africa, a place where all faiths and beliefs come together under the larger concept of humanity.  He says some other lovely things and by the end of his discourse I’ve agreed to make a lifetime commitment and I’m wearing a stunning diamond on the 3rd finger of my left hand.  Of course we hug and kiss and then look up to face an irate nun, angrily admonishing us for such a public display of affection in a holy place.  We apologise and listen to a long lecture about the sanctity of innocence and the need to avoid encouraging the virginal young minds down the hill into wanton ‘harlotedness’

We decide not to tell her that we’ve just got engaged.  My alien bump is protruding large from my belly.

That alien bump wraps his arms around me, bringing  me back to now.  His Daddy looks up and smiles at us both.

Lifetime decisions can sometimes be made in a heartbeat.  Or they can marinade until there is a gleaming guiding light.   In my case, tapping into the inner voice of truth took some courage and blind faith.   I’m so glad I listened and said “I do”  those dozen years ago.

Happy Anniversary Craigie, here’s to our next adventure…