This is the time of year when people think about new starts and new beginnings.  This is often accompanied by a raft of New Year resolutions, a burst of good intentions, and then the reality of life slides in and in most cases the good intentions melt away.   So how can we make these desired changes stick?  What do we need to do differently to make a difference?

The importance of time

What cause us to make a new years resolution?  Is it because we really want to change or is it some societal, cultural or social expectation that causes us to think we need to change?  If it’s the latter then its likely that the wish to change is not in the right place and so it’s best to leave any big resolution to later.  This relates to knowing if the driver of change is to do with time (e.g. if I don’t do this now I never will).  Can the planned change wait for a more opportune moment?  If the answer to this is yes, then wait. However if the need is pressing and the desire is strong, this is a good time to think about the changes you want to make.

 The driver of change

Knowing why you want to change is important and this will strengthen resolve on those days where you are feeling tired, fed up or weak.  Is your driver towards a need for something better or is it a move away from something not so good.  Does your need for change relate to money, status, progression, greater autonomy or freedom, wellbeing, health or another cause?

 Outcome thinking

Once you know what is driving your resolution, you can then frame it as an outcome.

For example

• When I have greater autonomy, I will go to the school sports matches every Wednesday afternoon
• When I have more money, I will pay off the mortgage which will give me greater freedom.
• When I achieve my promotion, I’m going to change the way my team works so we operate more flexibly
• When I am healthy I will enjoy meeting friends at the beach
• When I can swim I will have more fun on summer holidays

 If you can frame your resolution as an outcome, you have a better chance at sticking with it.  Try and make it as clear as possible.  Close your eyes, imagine you have achieved your resolution. How do you feel; what do you see; what can you hear; what are you touching, tasting, and looking at?

By adding colour, smells, tastes, touching, sights and sounds you make your outcome more real.

The big how

I will write a whole blog on the importance of how later on.  So this is a condensed version.  ‘How’, and not ‘what’, is a vital step to achieving your goal.  In NLP terms this is when we take the big chunk (the big idea) and break it down into little chunks or small steps of reality.  This is the time when the big idea becomes practical.  How are you going to make this change, breaking it down into tiny, manageable steps?

An example

2016 Resolution: Paying off the mortgage by 2020 so we have more freedom to choose where to work and when to go on holiday.

• I will cut down on my discretionary spending each week by only buying items on my shopping list and staying away from internet discount shopping sites
• I will create a spreadsheet this week to manage our family finances more transparently.  I will update this every Sunday using our receipts for the goods we’ve paid for.  I will then cross check this with by bank statements when they arrive
• I will not buy any more new clothes during 2016
• We will only eat out as a family once a month
• We will only take one family holiday every 12 months for the next 5 years
• I will plan our evening meals every Friday evening and shop for ingredients each Saturday and Wednesday
• I will use up all the food in our freezer so by March 2016 it is empty and then free for more planned (and better) use.
• I will cut our spending on food by £20 from its current budget, each week so there is less food being thrown out.

I am  focused on how I will make the small steps to help make my resolution achievable.  The actions, I will take are specific, achievable and measurable.  They are also time bound and realistic.  In other words they are SMART.

I like this little drawing – hope it helps you ‘get the picture’.

 

If you want some help with how to make your resolution more real and SMART, drop me a note or comment.  And if you get stuck or fed up, remember we’re only human, it’s just a moment in time and your feelings will pass. Tomorrow is another day!

Let me know how you get on.